Vulnerable Share 1.0... Gina McCready

Gina did not participate in the first round of Vulnerable Shares, but she has written one up for this round. Check out her thoughts on vulnerability!

Definition of Vulnerable-susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. This is my reflection on what makes me vulnerable. I have someone very close to me that struggles with Substance Abuse Disorder. Five years ago I found yoga and the Al Anon Program.This summer I decided to work on the 12 Steps with a Sponsor. I just finished Step 4 -“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves” I am using this work to share my vulnerabilities with you and I continue the work in myself.

1. I am a perfectionist. I hold things to such high standards that it would be impossible to achieve. I will procrastinate on projects because I think it will not be perfect. I have been dishonest as to not look perfect. I feel vulnerable when I teach a yoga class, “what if I make a mistake and it’s not perfect” I am working on the fact that perfection is an illusion.

2. I love my family with all of my being. I wish we didn’t have the challenges that we have. I would much rather be that perfect family LOL!

3. I like to be in control. When situations aren’t going my way, I tend to manipulate others into thinking my way is best. I will go to great lengths to achieve this. Almost every time I am unsuccessful. This behavior has caused me great harm. I now know control is an illiusion! Sometimes I slip and try anyway.

4. I have anxiety. My anxiety is worse when things seem out of control. Yoga has been a great tool to help me handle anxious times.

5. I take things personally. When I am hurt by someone, I take that hurt and hold onto it very tightly, sometimes for a very long time. It’s ridiculous, I know. Even while I write this I am saying to myself, “why would I do that?”

6. I am a people pleaser. I have a difficult time telling people “NO.” People have taken advantage of me because of this.

7. The most vulnerable place I feel in my body is my heart.

Anytime I share my true self I make myself vulnerable. Will people still like me? I don’t worry about this as much. I am starting to understand sharing my true self makes me authentic. Sharing the truth about my imperfections makes me human. And this, my friends, is so freeing.~ Gina