Vulnerability Share: Andrea Petersen
Welcome Andrea Petersen to OWY's Vulnerability Project! Same as all of us, Andrea really struggled to write her list. As I've said before the process is nerve touching and to do it you have to contemplate your own abyss.
I love Andrea's list because it captures how complicated we can be inside. She shows us the messiness of life - our ability to hold confilicting opposites, to be confused by that and to keep on going anyway. "Keep on going anyway" seems to be one of the emerging themes of these Vulnerable Shares and Andrea's list is one of the best examples we've had of how we love what we love and do what we do despite our vulnearbility and fear of getting hurt.
Trusting and not trusting, thinking the best and fearing the worst, as well as some of the risks that come when we put ourselves out there - these things are all a part of making sense of the big and messy lives we're born to. Thanks Andrea for showing up with us!
- Shannon Leigh
Andrea Petersen Vulnerability Share
1. I have a difficult time feeling worthy of the truly amazing group of souls that I get to call friends. It blows me away on a regular basis. For real, who let me in? When they notice that I snuck in, someone's getting fired.
2. I'm a Kitchen Witch. Baking and cooking are talents that are in my DNA. I put my soul and love into process and it feels like magic.
3. I have a very dark sense of humor. It's twisted and I laugh at the most inappropriate things. I also get bouts of hysterical laughter from pain. I'm fairly certain I have some wires crossed.
4. I treat profanity as a sport. I could burn off your ears and send sailors running for their mothers. I secretly wish it was and Olympic Sport, I would medal in creativity and unusual application. This is not always appreciated.
5. I assume altruism is also the default intention of others. Obviously this isn't the case many times and I'm always blindsided and deeply hurt by duplicitous and manipulative people. The upside is the deep connections with a lot of really amazing and equally genuine people.
6. I'm an optimist. The terrible and scary things will happen regardless, but I will persevere. It's really weird to have anxiety and also believe that everything will shake out fine.
7. I struggle with passivity. Its been super difficult for me in the past to take charge of my direction in life. My instinct is to just roll with whatever happens. I am always fighting that urge and trying to ride the line between.
8. I live in a strange symbiotic state of constant existential terror and fearlessness. Just this week I sat and cried about the unfathomable the amounts of evil acts going on in the world. And then I turned around and made strides toward some big changes in my future. I mean, if everything is terrifying what's the worst that could happen? Might as well jump in with both feet. Once I've made up my mind, I become singleminded.
9. I'm Loyal. Fiercely. If you've shown me love and respect I'll help you bury a body. When I was younger it was a hard lesson for me to realize that this wasn't always reciprocated. Now that I'm more mature, I don't give my loyalty away immediately just because I initially like someone.
10. I'm a nerdy, hippie, punk-rock, sci-fi, bookworm, artist weirdo. I used to be self-conscious, but I've found that the less I concern myself with what people think the more I find those that love me for my strangeness.
Plus 1. Turn it up to 11 and rip the knob off:
My Daughter is the greatest thing I’ve ever had a hand in creating. 22 years and I still haven’t processed my immence love and gratitude for her mere existence, She’s my ultimate vulnerability.
So, clearly I'm a big mess of conflicting feelings that shouldn't be able to function together without implosion yet somehow I find balance (most of the time, hahaha).